Today's post was going to be about strange people I come in contact with at the ol' convience store that I work at. It's not about strange people anymore. I started writing, got a bunch of crap on the "page", and then stopped. In one swoop of right clicking mouse hand, it's all gone. I, in my fit of nicotine-withdrawl, decided it was all crap and I hated the internet, my post and the horses they rode in on. Burried the post, shot the horses, and I've got the internet tied up in my basement. I don't know what I'm going to do with it yet...probably subject it to thousands of porn pop-ups until it confesses that it really could go faster if it wanted to.

Somewhere in the middle of that delusional tirade, there's a bit of truth. What is it? I'm going fucking nuts.

I'm at 24 +19 hours of not smoking. My children see me coming and run for the safety of their (now clean) rooms. And I could probably find something totally un-flattering to say about 90% of the people who came into the store last night. Including the people that I actually like.

If you've never quit smoking...you'll never understand. If you have....I'll just say that I'm at the point where I could chew iron pegs right now...and that's just after having lunch. I just hope no one ticks me off, because I'll not be held responsible for my actions. My lungs are also in revolt. They apparently don't know what to do with all the clean air that is coming in, so they are making me cough a whole lot. Tons of fun that one is.

I've got to goto the grocery store now. Watch your local news tonight...there may be a report of crazed cigaratte quitter doing something totally justafied at the local grocery....or not.

The old hitchin post

I'm sitting here, going through some of my favorite blogs, among those are http://crummychurchsigns.blogspot.com/ and http://underpaidkeptwoman.blogspot.com/ and http://mattresspolice.com
.....when...

Shorty and Monster Monkey come into the room, they are playing cars. Not the movie, but crawling around on the floor with matchbox cars, and they are not only making them roll, they are making them talk. Too cute, right? I glance down adoringly, but say nothing because that will distract them and make them bug me...I'm still on cuppo coffee #1, don't bug me yet!

Anywho, they're playing and I'm reading and laughing when I hear.....(wait for it)

Dum Dum De Dum....Dum Dum De Dum...Dum Dum De Dum Dum...Dum Dum De Dum

I can't keep quiet in my corner at this one. I turn and say, "Are your cars getting married?" Shorty looks up and say "Yes Mama, they have to!" hmm... "They have to? Why?" At which point, Shorty rolls her eyes at me and informs me, "Because they love each other!"

Ohhh! Well that makes sence. Then I get more of the exciting and romantic coutship of these two cars. Apparently, the boy car was walking one day and wolf whistled at the girl car. That was the start of a wonderful, whorlwind of a time...totaling, oh about 5 minutes of dancing, sight-seeing and *shhh* kissing. And then they upped and decided to marry.

The "cars" are now eating their breakfast, but I predict that they will soon form a crime fighting duo, with I love you's thrown inbetween all the action of bad-guy butt-kicking. I also predict that the relationship will last about 45 minutes, at which point, the cars will forcefully throw themselves at one-another in attempt to kill eachother, and the children will both come screaming to me with the words "she did/he did" on their lips.

Bone Head is watching cartoons. My children (esp him) watch too much TV. My "good mom" is coming out and I plan on kicking him out in the *gasp* sunshine after this episode is over. Princess Pout is also on the couch, and yep, she's pouting. She's still sore after yesterday's episode of me telling her she could not do her chores.

Picture this: Yesterday, around 2 pm, bright and sunny day, after all morning and early afternoon of allowing the monsters-erm I mean adorable munchkins-to play outside and at friends' houses, I call them in for chore time. I line everyone out with the assigned chores of the day and set them to it. Smiling faces all around, and smilie faces on the chore chart. Until...Monster Monkey is already done with his chores, so he wantes to help Princess Pout move the chairs so that she can sweep the floor under the table. All heck breaks loose. P.P. screams at him, and pushes him across the room. "I want to do my chores!" Mom (me) comes running to see what's going on. I explain to P.P that MM is only trying to help, and she's having none of it. After ushering MM on to another chore, PP keeps up the asault on everyone's ears. At that point, I'm just done. I take the broom away from her and send her to her room. All the while, she's yelling "I want to do my chores!"

Now isn't that a different one?

We'll be starting chore time earlier today, and I can't wait to see what happens today!

Note: Figure out some way to explain why two girl horses aren't going to magically have a baby, just because there are two horses.

Day One

Warning: If you are allergic to stories about children, chores, cleaning, poop and other bodily functions, animals, and daily life; do not continue reading this blog. Please consult your doctor before begining any blogrolling activities and do not continue unless you are prepared to possibly laugh, maybe groan and definatly hear about life of a mother. The FDA has not okayed this blog, nor will it ever. The writer makes no promise what-so-ever (in any direction) and this blog may not be used to treat, diagnose, correct, worsen or eliminate any condition, state, deficientcy, over-dose, or complications the reader may or may not be experiancing at the time of reading, (or any time there-after). The writer assumes no responsibilty to the above mentioned items experianced AFTER reading this blog, either. The writer is not a professional in any sence of the word, and takes no responibility for the results of reading this blog. Do not blame the writer if you fall asleep on your keyboard while reading and leave spit in the keys, do not blame the writer if you laugh while reading this blog and spew your drink of choice on the monitor. The writer will not compensate you for replacement of either, or any others damaged while reading this blog. In addition, the writer takes this time to thank you for stopping by and asks that you leave a comment! Thank you, and please continue.

I am a writer. I have always been one, and will always be one. As of late, I have gotten further and further away from writing, except for the daily blah-blah blog of my life...but that's just cut and dry; an on-going update for friends and family to keep up-to-date on the goings-on in our lives. Can we say YAWN.

That is not writing. I intend to get back to my 'roots', and really write. But first there are some things that I will have to explain. Just to make things easier for those easily confused (and me to remember my own blogging rules), I'll list them in the grade-school simple 1, 2, 3 format.

The Top 10: (for now)

1. Blog titles will never reflect the contents of the blog (except for today). I hate titles, but love throwing people off.

2. There will be posts about my husband and children and my work. The names of these people and places will be detailed, and explainations as to the reason behind these suedo names will be given.

3. There will possibly be posts about any or all of my wonderful animals. Yes, there are a lot of them, and yes, I can gush about my 4-footed or finned babies.

4. Depending upon demand there might be poems posted. I often do not like sharing poems that I've written; but as all things change so might this one.

5. No, there is no real "Fishhookville" in Alaska (that I know of), and I certainly do not really live there, if there is. Fishhookville is a product of my imagination, and I live there!

6. I do not now, nor ever will claim to be funny. Things in my life are funny, funny things happen to me, but I, myself, am not a inherently funny person...now that's a different subject for my husband!

7. There will be a posting schedule. It is as follows: When I feel like it. Sorry, but you can't just post for the sake of posting, people! For a well-written and thought out (or at least semi-literate) posting, there must be something that happens first! HONESTLY!

8. On the other-hand...I may have the irrisitable urge to post multipule times a day.

9. Soap-box postings will be prefaced by a warning and a disclaimer.

10.I am Brillantly Inept...and as such I am not great, wonderful, bad, horrible or anything in between. I am a 20-something work-outside of the home housewife and mother of four children.

And now some general house-keeping. Firstly, lets start with my family's names. These names have been chosen with utmost care to explain the person's personality and my love and annoyance for them. *Yes, I get annoyed by my loved ones, if you don't, you aren't normal!*

A lot of thought has gone into these names. Should I use names that I call them in real-life as their blog-names? Would that be a miss-use of the pet-name I've given them as their loving wife and mother? Would giving them a entirely new name be damaging to them in 10 years when they find this blog in the space of the internet and they find out what I've been calling them? Alot of questions there, and I really don't care! The names I've chosen are just going to have to work!

My wonderful, dear husband-His name is "Captain". No he's NOT a Captain! This name because he demands respect of his family (and deserves it!), and thus, I will give him a respecting alias.

My eldest child will be known as "Bone Head". No, I do not call him Bone Head. Upon the task of re-naming my first child (whom I've already named), I came to a huge brick wall. How can I possibly re-name the child that it took weeks to name in the first place? Okay, maybe I could, but I'm feeling lazy, so I asked the child in question. HE said Bone Head. Alrighty, that's it, then.

My next child is easy to name. I don't know why she's easy to name and the oldest wasn't. Her name is Princess Pout. Why? Because I said so. Haha, couldn't resist. Because she has two sides to her, the Princess-where she's all smiles and flowers and butterflies...and the evil twin side when she's difficult.

The next has always been known as Shorty. She is short. I know this nickname sound derogatory, but it's just how it is. Once upon a time, we were all thinking up nicknames, and I asked her how she liked "shorty", she loved it! Ever since then, she's been Shorty. That's just the way of it.

My next monster is hard to name as well. He's got so many nicknames, that it's difficult to decide upon just one to call him for the sake of writing here. There's even more nicknames that I call him in my head, but he's recently told me that he doesn't LIKE those names, so I may not address him by those any longer. So, for purposes of this blog, he will be known as "Monster Monkey". I believe this name explains its self.

Along with my human family, we have quiet a few pets. Four ferrets, a cat, a dog, two horses, and several fish. These all may or may not be named if and when I post about them. And may or may not have changed names. Who knows?

And now I must load all the kids into the truck, and get our butts into town for some errands. That's it...end of transmission. Wasn't that fun?